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Episode #1329 - Brian Moses - JRE Handbook

Episode #1329 – Brian Moses

JRE Episode #1329 – Brian Moses

Published: 8/1/2019


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Podcast :



Brian Moses is a stand up comedian, writer, producer, and host. He is the host of “Roast Battle” which can be seen on Comedy Central and every Tuesday night at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles.

The show starts off with a couple statements about the show Roast Battle and one of Brians favorite quotes from the show “I wouldnt fuck you if you raped me” – Megan Galin – to Jimmy Carr. Then they make a quick jump to Mario Lopez and his statement about how 3 year olds should not be Trans, because they’re too young to make that decision. He had to write an official apology and could still lose his job. Brian says that gender is a construct, like race, but Joe counters that saying race isn’t a construct, and how no one has ever been successfully transracial. “People are really holding onto this race thing, Why are we holding onto it?” Real problem is racism. It isn’t as bad as it was in the 50’s and 40’s. And it wasnt even that long ago. They go on to discuss how horrible things were for people of color less than 100 years ago and how things are genuinely better, though could still stand for improvements. 

The conversation bounces back to Mario Lopez and the controversy with his recent statement on Trans toddlers. They sympathize with him because he was hated for saying that 3 year olds can’t be trans. They both talk about how you can’t say anything anymore without being beaten down for it.  They talk about how “20 years ago if you didn’t like the way someone addressed women or something, you couldn’t broadcast it. But now theres Twitter and Facebook and you make a statement and it gets retweeted and suddenly there’s a mob after you.” They talk about how people love when you poke fun at PC culture. That’s what half the viewers are looking for when they tune into Roast Battle. 

The topic jumps to PCP and how it makes you pretty much impervious to pain. During fights, people were getting choked out to the point of death because their opponents thought they were on PCP, and now there is a ban on chokeholds. 

This brings the conversation to Sociopath Vs. Psychopath and look over a venn diagram of the two mental disorders and their traits. Brian says that some comedians can be, not only narcissistic but also sociopathic. Joe talks about how that could be very reasonable because at some point in your career you’re so focused on your success that everything becomes about you. Brian talks about how in the line of business, that your ego gets hit so hard every day you have to be a sociopath. Conversation goes over to open mic nights and the influx of fans for those types of shows. 

They bring up the AIDS epidemic and the fear that came with being tested. Apparently there were groups of gay men who would intentionally try to get AIDS for free health care. They were called “Bug Chasers”. They discuss how AIDS has been “cured” using stem cells and they have created a treatment for HIV that has brought it to ‘undetectable’. 

The two go over how famous comedians’ siblings have to deal with their siblings fame, Like Charlie Murphy, and Chris Rock’s brother, Tony. Charlie is “Just glad they aren’t calling him Eddie Murphy’s brother anymore” The topic glides into Family businesses and how they aren’t quite as common in the US anymore But in places like Italy, most places are family run unless its a designer store. It keeps the money in the household. 

Brian brings up reparations, and how we should incentivise parenting instead of just giving out  reparations. If you’re incentivising people to be better parents, we would help our community become a better place. They discuss where reparations would come from in regards to who would be paying the money. Joe questions how we could track the money and talks about how easy it would be for families to hide their money. He said we should try to find out how much damage had been done. Joe says reparations should come from businesses.

Poor areas are riddled with murders, due to gang violence. Brian has family in gangs and talks about how they are depressed because they don’t see a way to get out. They feel inferior because they don’t have the money or the resources to achieve their dreams. Joe thinks getting them involved in extracurricular activities would be beneficial. Getting the kids involved in things they’re good at and showing them they have value. They use professional athletes as a good example of this, saying how there are so many who came from impoverished families and have become millionaires because of their skills as athletes. They talk about Pamela Harris and her stance on truancy and using fear to motivate parents to be more involved with their children’s lives.

The topic evolves to college athletes. “College athletes – whos getting fucked harder than them? Their performance is judged so hard. They don’t get anything for their performance.” 16-17 NCAA revenue reached 1 billion and the Athletes got nothing. California is going to pay athletes for their likeness according to Brian. If the athletes are working for free the show should be free. 

They organically flow form college athletes to Epstein and the sex trafficking scandal surrounding him. Brian makes teh connection of sex trafficking to being a plantation owner, because he is being paid for flesh. Prosecutor thought epsteens impulses were impossible to control. “Bermans dismissed the request for bail because epsteens impulses were not likely to have been abated or successfully suppressed” 

The topic flows somewhat choppily from topic to topic, touching on pedophilia and Michael Jackson and the accusations made about him with the children in his life. Then it takes a jump to Florida and how easy it was to get drugs there. There were pain management centers right next to Oxycontin stores. Florida has a history of “High”. This brings them to talking about alligators and crocodiles.

They start talking about gun violence in FL. Brian tells a story about how a delivery driver pulls a gun on his brother while his infant is in the car. The guy said he was a disgrace to the military. People are not getting arrested for murdering someone unjustly due to a “stand your ground law” There’s so many articles about kids being detained and cooperating, and they just get shot for no reason other than the “man with the gun felt threatened by this unarmed child” They go silent for a minute in awe about how horrible things are. At what point is it not considered “Stand your ground” do they have to be laying spread eagle on their stomach? 

These shootings, bring up the school shootings. Brian asks how Joe feels about his kids going to school. “I’m Terrified. “You Feel more full of love than ever before but you’re more filled with fear because you’re worried” The Romans would kill others kids to keep them in line. Its something people always do to put fear in the, you have a lot more to lose when you have a family. Brian takes that note and says thats why they dont want people to have abortions. Forcing someone to have a family to help keep them in line. The last thing they want is to have a bunch of young, single guys running around with nothing to lose. That’s how coups are successful, that’s why they’re trying to have more people have more kids so they can control them. The major fact is religion. If youre pro-life and a canidadte is pro choice theyre “against gods law and wantes to kill children” They go on to discuss abortion laws and what-ifs 

They go on to discuss the different sides of pro-life/choice and how they have such differing viewpoints. “Is it a medical procedure, or is it murdering a child?” It’s such a humanizing debate. Because it really shows how complicated things are. Joe speaks in awe about how women grow bodies inside them and how they experience things so differently than men do. “For us man, we just shoot loads” “what we do when we have a baby and what we do when we don’t have a baby is the exact same thing.” there’s no difference to the man, its just the same every day. But a woman’s body will grow, she feels it moving around and kicking in there. Joe speaks about a hypothetical chip that would allow someone to feel everything you do the way you feel it. He said he wonders what it would feel like to be a maternal woman. He wants to feel what it feels like to be pregnant. “No not the birth part!” They both apologize to women because of the fear and craziness that comes with being a woman. 

The topic slides to OJ Simpson and CTE, he is showing difficulty walking and his speech seems almost forced. They said that CTE would have been used as the defense had the crime happened today. Many people who have experienced extreme CTE and committed suicide, donated their brains to science. The two go on to discuss how it could happen, and how you could diagnose it. They are now able to get an accurate reading of the brain and now you can see CTE without opening the patient up. Apparently the UFC wants to lower the number of rounds they have with boxing from 12 to 8 rounds. They discuss how this could help and hurt the business. Joe brings up charlie horses and talks about some of the worst ones he has ever seen were from Jose Aldo vs Urijah Faber.

The topic shifts to professional fighting and some of the best fighters in the MMA. They gush over some of them, like “Cro Cop” and others. They also discuss how MMA was in Japan during the early days. 2011 was when the MMA went to 5 rounds for title fights. Normal fights are only 3 rounds. 

In Japan they had different ways of looking at matches. Joe and brian discuss how in Japan, early on in MMA they were very quiet and polite. They knew what was going on and would follow the fight. Now they are getting more rowdy. Back in the day you could hear the corners coaching their fighters and the opponent could hear everything as well. Brian suggests that could be boring, but Joe says that it isn’t. Just because you know they’re going for their arm doesnt mean youll keep them from going for your arm. Brian asks about which cities are the most rowdy and Joe says texas is always insane and Chicago gets pretty wild too. 

The topic jumps back to Reparations. They discuss in more depth the same ideas they had previously. If ther was a direct way to tell the amount of money that came from slavery then we would be able to give it back to them. They mentoin how we have traced Nazi money but its just so hard to find the money trails from slavery. He thinks we have to target areas where there were plantations and areas that were in economic decline. They discuss various ideas for helping fix poverty and deal with the reparations. 

The topic start shifting rapidly from Hitler, to Harpy Eagles, house cats, squirrel plagues, Kony, and cannibalism. Cannibalism isn’t illegal per-se but there are a bunch of laws in place that make it impossible to obtain and ingest the body matter. They go fairly in depth about cannibalism and the different diseases resulting from it. 

They bounce back to Nazis, and their drug uses. Drugs like Pervitin and Cocaine fueled the Nazi’s rise and fall; it was pure methamphetimine. Hitler was given an injection called Euzodal (essentially Oxycodone and Cocaine) He ordered a second injection and went into a meeting with Mussolini where he spoke for hours non stop. Mousolini, sat and sighed because he had been hoping to convince hitler to let italy drop out of the war, but he never got a chance

Hitler used drugs daily including Barbiturates, BULL SEMEN (taurine), Testosterone, Opiates, and stimulants such as Pervitin “courage” pill made out of meth. 

The last half hour is filled with talking about drug usage in certain civilizations, Mao Zedong, Vikings, different books, crazy Japanese game shows, the american healthcare system and comedians with physical comedy. 

Check out rap battles at: http://www.cc.com/shows/roast-battle


My guest today is a Hilarious stand up comedian, host of Roast battle and a staple at “The comedy Store” in Los Angeles…Brian Moses

– Joe Rogan

[Brian Moses] You are one of the saviors of comedy. Roast battle is one of the sanctuaries for hilarious fucked up comedy.   

– Joe Rogan

“3 year old trans kids are like Vegan cats, We know who is making the lifestyle choices”

– Blair White

“Race is not a construct, No one has ever successfully been trans racial”

– Joe Rogan 

“People are really holding onto this race thing, WHY are we holding onto it?”

– Brian Moses 

“I’m just american blooded”

– Brian Moses

“Keep PC culture going, It’s making us more money”

– Brian Moses

“How about we incentivise parenting. Try to reward people who actually take care of their kids vs. reparations for black people.”

– Brian Moses

“The idea that the way you fix things is by scaring people drives me crazy”

– Joe Rogan

“This is America, we can be racist, be on drugs, and have guns”

– Brian Moses

“That thing that is protected by a thin layer of bone is where aaalll of your fucking thinking takes place”

– Joe Rogan

“Imagine if trump was on tv just high on meth, tweaking. Just ‘ooohhh fuck china. Fuck these chinese relations, fuck Jeffery Epstein, fuck all these assholes”

– Joe Rogan

“Why did God make dick sizes?”

– Brian Moses

Never in my life did I think I would be standing in front of a girl with a plate full of animal dicks saying “You can do it!”

– Joe Rogan



Deyontay Wilder vs Tyson Fury Highlights 

Jose Aldo vs Urijah Faber – leg kicks from hell

Cro Cop – one of the greatest MMA fighters ever 

Mirko Crocop vs. Wanderlei Silva

Hitler 1936 Olympics – on speed and tweaking – Look at his left Hand

Eagle grabs sloth from tree – Video 

Eagle throws goat off cliff

Recently filmed giant 15 ft gator in a golf course. Probably around 80 years old. 

Croc steals guys fish off his hook:

“Bazooka Man”

Conor McGreggor vs The Mountain

Michael Jackson – Man in the mirror




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